Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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