yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
