Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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