My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
