Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
