How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This is classic penis vs brain.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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