i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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