If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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