I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I enjoy the company of your penis
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
