youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
try to milk me bitch
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
