I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
