dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
