So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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