just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
