I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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