i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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