Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
