WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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