No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
