I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
