Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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