all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We're too hungover to prance.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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