She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
