You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
