If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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