You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize