I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
