Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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