I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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