Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
how drunk are you?
Several
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
