PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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