Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Semen is not good for contacts.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
