Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
