Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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