just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
