Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
