just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
