U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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