You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
