the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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