She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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