i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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