What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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