And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
