Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
