Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
