Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
