remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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