I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
