god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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