he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
