Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
