I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
