apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
