he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
