Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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