I can tuck mytits in my pants
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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