i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I love having hate sex.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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